An escape which I longed for

Woohoo~~ I'm going to vacation tomorrow!!! Can't wait for it since last week and I'd just donw packing! haha... My study week starts on next week, I'll have to catch up real hard when come back from vacation. Let's not think about the serious stuff first, in case it spoils my mood later. Hehe..

I really need these four days vacation now, it's been a while I never spend my time properly with my family. Everything was like touch and go, no time to have dinner together either. Since we all have time, why not just go for it? And I had been busy for the past few months on New Tune stuffs and Mooncake festival. I'd actually promised myself to reinstate the time that I'd sacrificed for my friends and family. It's true, I'm now having fun despite I have to work on my studies and meetings for next year's NTLP. In fact, I failed to attend all the meetings for some reasons. I'm the kind of girl who loves to have fun and balancing is very important to me. I can be very serious on work, but promise I'll reward myself after that. I'll reactivate 'serious' mode after the vacation. Hehe!

Besides, I'm tired of being surrounding by emotional crisis, not only me but regarding my friend's problems too. Almost everyday we're taking about the same problem and there seems no solution. Even if there is, we can't promise that the same problem won't arise. In life, I meet many people and there are only a few who really care for me and the other way round. Some of them could be best friends with me like forever, but some, it keeps changing and won't last for long. I found a friend who I want to be friend with, or perhaps close friend. While in the progress, I might run out of track because the feeling seems to have been developed. It's not a good news as the other party has already attached (for a couple of years) which is the problem I hate to meet with. Shit! Now I finally understand why people said that boys and girls cannot be best friends. It may not apply in all cases, but it happens. Both care but there's a boundary that we could not cross. Why must it happen on me? I'm sick of it! I wish for a good escape, out of this place, to calm down and find the peace of mind. I'll grasp the new air from there and exhale it like I throw away all the junk stuffs! The air better be fresh and clean.

How would it end?

I am so not in the mood to study now, something is bothering me.

Two days ago, I went out with a bunch of new friends, and a few old friends. Not so old though, the closest friend of mine was the only girl. We planned to go out together, to give that guy a chance to go out with my friend since he is fond of her. =)

In such a coincidence, the guys were about to celebrate their friend's birthday and they said we could tagged along. So, we went out together. We had Chinese food for dinner at Mushroom restaurant which located somewhere around Sunway. The meal was nice, we ordered 10 plus dishes and need not to pay a cent. The bill goes to the birthday guy. Hehe. After that, the people decided to go to Barcelona to celebrate. My friend refused to go at first, but because of we don't want to give any more trouble to the driver and not to tear down the fun, we went along with them.

It was the first time I went there without any make-ups or nice dress, just a simple white T, skinny jeans and my Converse sneakers. When we were searching for parking space, my friend told me that she felt like she was going to lose her virginity. It realy funny. Because since her very last time to club, which was actually cheated by her friend, this was the first time that she's going to step into the club. Everything has its first time, it depends on whether have you taken your very first step. If there is a first time, for sure there'll be a second time.

It was a Saturday, it's my first time seeing such a huge crowd in Barcel. I wasn't close with the other guys actually, I only tagged with 3 other friends more oftenly. Especially when the other 2 were drunken so seriously, they can't even helped to look after each other! I was quite worried about my friend's safety until I'm confirmed that her consciousness was more than drunk. It only left half an hour before the party's over, so my another friend dragged me to the dance floor. Just me and him, and the crowd. Although he wasn't a good dancer, but I had lots of fun. I laughed so loudly when seeing him and seeing his friends dancing at the club. This was the first time that I laughed the most and kept smiling when dancing. I don't feel any sorrows, I've forgotten it.

Since that day, my mind kept thinking of that moment and the feeling. It was a natural feeling that came from the heart, it was so true. Sometimes I feel like happy is a property of mine too. =) At the same time, I'm starting to worry. I'm scared that the same thing is going to happen to me again - fall for a non-available guy. I wonder, why do I always met with guys who are not available? Why are single guys not my type? It might sound offensive but I'm frus when think about this.

Love is a choice. It matters whether do we give ourselves a chance to fall in love or we do not? But some says love is beyond control, it comes when you're less aware of it. But to me, love can't be according to plan. You can not plan not to fall in love with a guy or to fall in love with him. It happens when the moment comes. It's in your control whether you let yourself to keep in connection with that particular person. I'm afraid that I make the same mistake as before. But when came to think of it clearly, is that wrong? Falling with someone who is not available. Does that mean he is not the right guy? If it is a yes, I doubt the answer. It's nothing wrong to fall in love, it doesn't mean that he is the wrong guy. Maybe the so called 'mr right' is attached by now. Oops... Or maybe I'm wrong. Well, there's always an arguement when talk about this. I think I should just see how it goes and stop thinking nonsense. Finals coming...... ><

《看见遗失的忆记》

第三十届国大中秋终于开心和圆满的结束了！我们终于做到了！！昨夜真的是一个很难很难忘的夜晚，一想起我的心情就会开始的澎湃起来。真的非常开心，我有了一生以来最值得纪念的中秋节，因为除了好朋友之外，我家人也到现场去支持了。^^他们打从吉打下来这里看我表演，老实说，我真的很感动。。从我表演那么多次，这是第一次父母来捧场。真的很感谢他们。。

在表演之前，当大家都已经很兴奋的时候，老师集合了大家做一个简单的分享会。。每一位老师，戏剧老师和舞蹈老师，一位一位轮流对我们说他们的肺腑之言。和我们最常接触的是舞蹈老师，尤其是凤明老师，因为她为我们总校学生排的舞最多，和她的感情自然的也比较深了。当轮到她的时候，她说的每一句话都深深地震撼我的心，因为她所说的都很贴近我们舞蹈员。。昨日早上，我们一早七点钟就开始热身了，一直练习到中午午饭时间，那时大家到累坏了，纷纷躺在礼堂的椅子睡着了。老师说，她从来就没对我们说过我们的优点，所说的都是我们的缺点，而且在表演前一晚因为大家的表现都已经超越了老师的最低限，所以她们都对我们说了很重的话，令到大家的心情很down。但是因为我们的精神，让她也不想放弃我们，到最后一刻都还陪着我们而且也还期望着我们。因为看见大家很快的又再站起来继续练习了，因为看见大家都和努力，所以最后她没有把平时动作做不好或拍子跟不到的人删掉，一再的给我们机会。而且除了担心之外，还和我们一起熬夜和早起。。试问，有多少位老师会为了学生而牺牲自己那么多的精力?他们这一群老师，算是很不错了!我本身是蛮敬佩他们的。当老师说让我们拥抱最想拥抱的那个人，我第一个就想到凤明老师，之前还觉得我们对她有亏欠，真的。因为表现都很不好。。分享后，因为都哭得稀里哗啦的，大家在补妆后，就各就各位，准备上台表演了。。。

没有一场表演是完美的。昨夜的表演，我也探听到了不同的评语。有的说故事很好，有的说整个表演好过去年的，这真的是意想不到的事情。唯有比较大的缺陷就是技术问题。。我认为这一次的故事真的很有意义，故事提醒了大家将要或是已经遗忘的东西，那东西可能是华人传统文化的一些东西，或是亲情。。也提醒了我们国大中秋的一分子，不要遗忘了当初国大中秋存在的意义，找回了就别再将它遗忘。。

Our 'dai lou' - Darren.
He lead us really well... thanks for everything.

The eldest dancer among us? hehe..
Brother San Sit... (not yet uncle, xD)

Dearest dancers. ^^

Dancers and the teachers ^^

《看见遗失的忆记》，不管成果时好时坏，我们都不会再介意了，因为整个过程才是最重要的。。该得到的已经得到了，而失去的就要看你会不会再把机会争取回来。我，终于也得到了答案。。。一切都是值得的！！辛苦大家了，真的很感谢大家给我一个这么难忘的中秋夜。我们是不可能会再和一样的人聚在一起做一样的东西了，我应该会想念大家吧，还有练舞受苦受难，幸福洋溢的日子，嘿嘿。。希望大家各自保重，有缘的话，我们再见吧！=)

Daddy, mommy and jie jie..

Thanks for coming to support, I really appreciate it!! *hugs*

I'm blessed because you guys are always there to support.. thanks!!!

New Tuners who came to support... thanks guys.. ^^

I won't forget the supper gang too..
Good luck in your future!

Finally..

Sincerely thanks to all who came. =)

不想留下的遗憾

刚刚不懂发生了什么事，这是有史以来排练或练习也好，最烂的一次！我真的有点生气和难过，心情很乱，觉得大家都很对不起老师，老师为了我们付出了这么多，我们给他们的却是这么一点点。。。每一支舞从头到尾都很不齐，除了烂之外，已经没有其他字眼来形容。从第一天开始练习到现在，老师说过的每一句话，每一次的提醒，我们都没有做到！老师已经说到无话可说了，我们叻就哭到眼泪不能再流了。。我觉得很难过，大家辛苦了这么久，结果是因为大家没有尽力去跳，跳出了最烂的舞。我不懂为什么我还会在这里跟其他人一起跳。。跳出这么难看的舞，我自己也觉得很心虚很没面！可能是因为我不想放弃，因为我想和其他人在这么大的一个舞台上一起表演，从一开始练习到现在，和同一群人一起演出。不管有多烂，我内心的某些部分还是相信大家可以做到的。。是！舞是跳得很不好，直到老师为了我们要求用台三小时，而且是在明天很早很早就要开始练习了，早上七点钟。还有不到二十四个小时就要演出了，明早是我们唯有的机会做最后的冲刺。我相信只要我们尽全力，我们是可以的！之前我还在犹豫，是不是应该阻止我父母从老远来看这场歌舞剧，一场不完美的表演。因为我不想呈现最不好的一面给他们看。我问我自己，这一切是不是值得的?还是失去了宝贵时间？但是想了想，我决定就让它去吧，希望一切都是值得的。PT在我心目中，还是有很高的评价，我不希望被我们这一届摧毁了。。明天的演出，不管成果是怎样，我都尽力做到最好，不要让自己有后悔的机会！我希望到最后最后，换来的是一场开心的泪水，而不是遗憾的哭声。。。大家，加油吧！！

Ready For The Show!!

Sorry for the delay. For more than a week I never post because I have no time at all. I'd spent all my time practicing and rehearsal besides rushing my assignments. Last week I was still complaining that my Raya break was gone, but when I came to think of it again, I don't think that that's a loss. In fact, I was quite satisfied of our 5 days training in UKM.

I still remember that on Wednesday, I came back from Alor Star by flight because our practice started by 2pm. I was not quite in the mood since I just spent 2 days at home out of 7days break and half of the day I was sleeping at home. I moved in to KDO and stayed with Joanne and Yan Yee in Seat Fang's room. There were four of us but it was only provided 2 beds. So, we took turn to sleep on the bed and sleeping bag. We spent five days to complete choreographing of all dances and then keep practicing and polish up our movements. We stayed at Pusanika for the whole day everyday to practice because that was the most suitable and the only place we can practice at. Pusanika is like my third home now besides my hostel and my real home. LOL. Almost everynight after practice, we went out for supper together and Al-Fariz was the most frequent place that we went. If you go there, for sure you will meet many UKM guys, the same for McD in Bangi too. swt..

Five days was like a blink of an eye to me, we did once full rehears on the fifth day. The result was very huge different than the first time rehears on last month. We spent the whole month to complete only 30% of the total dance, but we completed the rest of 60% in this month. I think we were great! *applause* You can't imagine how much effort and sweats that we had given into it. Although we still need improvement, but at least we could make it according to plan. I'm really proud of the dancers sometimes that we can give so much commitment to it. It needs sacrifices to come to this stage, sweats and tears. I bet not everyone can give in the same as us. Sometimes when we tried so hard but still can't achieve what we want, it really pulled us down. But we only can keep on trying and trying, there's no way giving up! Once we give up, gone case already.

During the holidays, I had to abandoned all my assignments and tasks that given before the holiday. We don't have practice for two days after the break but I have no time to rest, I have to start doing my assignments otherwise I'll be dead! Even when I have free time, I'm not free at all. I admit that I wasn't contribute much to group works, but I'd tried my best to do what I can. Like today, I've spent the whole day in DECTAR. After came back to my hostel, I have to continue with my assignment and this is not the first day. Since my second year, I had never sleep before 12am. It's really physical and mental strength consuming especially in these few days. People may ask, why should I make myself more busy since I already know that I have tons of assignments waiting for me. My answer is, life is no other than splendid. As long as I'm doing something I like, something that I wanted to do, I'm happy and satisfied. Although sometimes I feel stress because there are really many works to be done, but what I got through the whole progress is sufficient to cover up the complaints and disaffection. I would said that the outcome is not the most vital, but the progress. While I'm having the hard time, I'm actually enjoying too. Just like dance, you have to enjoy it. Without the real feeling from your heart, you are just making the movements but not dancing. Dance is a silent poetry, that's why I love it. I may not be a great and perfect dancer, but I'm really happy to meet with a group of people who also have deep passion in dance just like me. =)

PT 30 shirt.
Thanks to San Sit for decorating it =)

The show is on tomorrow (3 Oct, Saturday), it will began at 7.15pm in DECTAR. No more practice, no more error and no more 'again'.. That's the actual show! I hope that the show will be great, we will give out best shot and make the audience to feel what we feel. It's our last chance to dance this whole thing! I'm really excited and afraid at the same time. After the show, there will be no more supper gang, no more practice together with the same people like now, and it's time to lose weight after the show. Haha.. If you are free on that day, do come and support. We really put a lot of effort for the whole thing. Don't miss the big show! See you guys there.. ^^

Gambateh to all dancers!!!
(total 33 people)