Hidden sorrow.

The girls were heading to a party with a group of friends. It was supposed to be a joyful party, but why did it end up so miserable?

We had a pre-celebration for his birthday at "Dark Coco" which was actually not dark at all.. hehe. The worst thing was, within half an hour, we girls were all K.O. Swt.. And that's how the story goes. I was separated with the girls until when it was about time to go back. I wasn't able to stand or walk properly and I got the whole situation puzzled, I can't exactly remember the flow of what had happened on that night. But I knew he was with me all the time before we got back, holding me so that I won't fall and following me wherever I go. Really thanks a lot to him for guarding me whole night, otherwise.......I can't imagine what would happen to me. =.="

I thought I already let it go, I'd promised myself not to think about it again since last month and I did..But I never thought that I would hurt by a simple, plain fact. The fact that he already has a girlfriend and will only have one. It's a fact that I knew long time ago but it hurt when it came out from him. The words were so clearly heard, not only once, but twice or more than. Not that I don't want to admit it but I don't need him to tell people, or to tell me indirectly to clarify things. Can't he use other words which don't sound so harsh? Maybe he didn't think that I would hear it, I know he had no intention to hurt me. He was just having a normal conversation with the guys. I was the one who have bunny ears.....

I walked away without thinking where to go soon after I heard it. I might act like an idiot but at the moment, I was so wanting to leave. If there was no one to stop me, I think I will wander around the city until I got my feet cramp! Although I was a bit dizzy but I still know what was happening around. I still care for my friends and make sure they were safe. I can't bare anything to happen on them as well.

A friend told me to appreciate our relationship/ friendship because that friend thinks that he has feelings to me too. Maybe he did, but what's the use of knowing it? It only make things worse. I don't want to get in between them, that's why I'd chosen not to tell from the very beginning. But today, I had a sudden impulse to tell him how I felt and to confess everything. Haiz. I am such a failure. Why isn't my new year resolution working here?

I forced myself to study but my mind kept recalling the words and pictures of that night. Anyway, I hope I can feel better after writing this. I wasn't in the mood today. The feel has come back now and it sucks my ass out! Why does he treat me so nicely? Can't he ignore me for once? But I think I'll still miss him by then. Haiz.

I want to have a normal friendshp and a carefree life!! I want to have my naive lifestyle back.....I just want to be happy, for me, for everyone.

I miss me.