Sunday, February 7, 2010

Troubled Heart.

"Two is better than one" - I stayed in the car until it was finish playing in the radio. I tried to calm down my mind, stop thinking about him and the "thing" that he's going to settle.. But I can't lie to myself, I'm afraid that I might lose and get hurt this time. The result seems so uncertain and we are far apart, things are totally out of my control.

The day before he left, I wrote him a message and gave him 2 'hearts' - one represents mine and another represents his. I gave him mine. As for his, I want him to consider twice before he makes his decision. I told him that no matter what the result is, I still will give him a smile. If you love something, set it free. If it's yours, it will come back to you; if it's not, it won't. The same applies to human too. If his heart doesn't belong to me, I will not persist. Confessing to him was the most difficult thing to me, but I will never regret for it.

Deep inside, I know, I mean we know for what purpose he went back to his country besides celebrating Chinese New Year. Thing has to be done. Although he gave me his words but there's a thick fog in front and I can't see anything, things might change and we can't predict it. Nothing is absolute. I feel worry and helpless but what more can I do? I should not and won't take the initiative to ask him about it until he comes to inform me himself.

Honestly, I'm afraid that he's just a dream. This time, I'm taking it seriously. I'm taking it seriously simply because, I think that he's the one. He's the reality in my dream. I hope that I'm not wrong. It's the second time I have such a strong feeling since my first love. No offence but it's true and I'm telling it. The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. For now, I can't do anything until I see rays leading my way. Anyway, the conclusion can only be made after Chinese New Year's break and there are two more weeks to go. It's going to be hard for me..

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