Sincere Words

Sincere words.. When will you tell? When you're ready and conscious or when you're drunk because you don't have the courage? Is it trustable of what was spoken by a drunken person then?

"Actually...Haiz. I missed you, a lot. But I'm scared that I'll betray her, am I detestable?"

I doubted him because he never say those words to me. Me either, except in a joking way.
"Did you say so because you are drunk?"

"I don't know but it's true. I also don't why, I just feel that I'm hateful."

Do you know I'm actually missing you too, since the day you left. I was waiting and wondering whether can I get a message from you. I wouldn't want to disturb you especially when you are with her. I wouldn't want or perhaps dare not to tell you that I miss you so much because I don't want to let you know and caused you in confusion.
"I don't wish you to do the wrong thing. If you're scared don't miss me then."

"This can't be controlled, you won't understand my feelings."

How could I not understand? I know how it felt when you miss someone who will not be together with you. I know when you're missing someone but you cannot say it. I know when you love someone but you couldn't tell because you don't want to hurt anyone and because you don't want to fall in more deeply. It's true, I can't control. I missed you too.

"I'm sorry I spoke too much. These words should have just kept in heart. Drinking really makes one foolish!"

"No, you're not sorry. You're just being honest with me. Don't blame yourself, I'm fine. (:"
Somehow, part of me was hoping that you'll say it but part of me was not. I'm worried once I knew it, I'll make the same mistake again. It's better if I don't know anything and we both know nothing! I rather suffer alone.

"Yeah, you don't have any feelings for me. How can I influence you anyway...Haha"

When I read this, my heart was crushing! *BIG BANG* How could he say that, it really hurts. Should I tell him? No, I can't! The whole world knew I had feelings for him except him! Why am I worrying so much? Wasn't I the girl who did things like no one cares? The dare devil? I really don't know how to reply him. It's not the right time to tell anyway.
"Don't chat dy. I'm going to bed now, tell me when you reach home. Night."

"Alright. Good night."

On the next day he apologized again and said that it was a nonsense. I only can give him a smiley face, there's nothing more I can say.

Perhaps, I'm the one who don't have courage to tell. Maybe one day when I am drunk, I'll say out the words which buried in my heart for such a long period. How good if I can just end it here. We'll still meet after two months. I wonder how things change till then, nothing or worse? We'll see....