i never wanna talk about dis again..
but i cant lie to myself, it's still haunting me.....
officially, my 1st relatioship started when i was in form4 ...
it was a totally bad experience to me, only 1 word to describe it >>> 'SUCKS'!
all i rmb was those horror memories...
i was once an active girl, very talktive, an extrovert, a dreamer, a girl who act according to her emotions n never hide it....i trusted ppl, mix n mess wif everyone, i live wif no worries...a happy go lucky girl..
while i was in relationship, i slowly turned into another person...it's de effect of it.
despite sharing sweet times 2gether like normal couples did (but actually i couldnt rmb any of it now, even if i did, they taste bitter), we argued days n nights....n i lost many frens cuz i was force to neglct them..even close frens, im really upset wif dat..
he got a very bad tempered, i wondered how did i past through dat period of time....1 n 1/2 years, it's not a short while! even his fren came to ask me how can i stand him for his tempered...
my time was really wasted on him...n seriously i boycott Virgorians since then...
sometimes i even talked lies to my parents n argued wif them juz to meet him...my relation wif my family was at quite a critical point at dat moment.. i managed to repair it somehow, blood is thicker than water...i cant abandon my family as they r de root of who i am now..
i did tings which im not willing to do juz bcz of him...tings which i hate...n finally i hate myself of doing it..
if u ask me de reason, i guess de ans wil b 'love is blind'...
de nightmare finally ended...but im no more de origin me.
i talk less, i dont trust ppl, i keep tings in my heart n refuse to tell, i bcame moody, passive, i feel sad when im alone, lost self-confident n i hate myself for being so not 'me' anymore..
i was so disappointed by love, dont blame me if i have so many negatives thoughts about love..
i tink dat love it is not a gud ting, it makes ppl blind n did stupid tings..i was being such a stupid girl dat time n i promise myself dat i never wana b a stupid anymore...
i cant b dat way forever.. i cant let it ruin my whole life!
i wanna be myself again...
it takes really a long time for me to recover..n til now i don tink dat i had completely overcome it..
somehow i cant be de girl i am like b4....
i might seen like im happy wif my life now, but deep inside im confused.. "am i really happy?"
it bcame a flaw in my life..for eternal..
i was considered lucky after dat..de ppl i had affair wif treat me very gud n they r great..but unfortunately they dont last long..
mayb dis is y ppl say im cold blooded..
i can tell u dat im serious while im in relationship, but i oso mean it if i wanna giv up...
cuz i don trust love, i hav no courage to it..i've tried to love but finally i giv up easily.. im worried dat i'll b blinded by love again n did stupid tings, sacrificing everything but end up crying like de end of de world bcuz someone forsake u!
i wil never wanna make de same mistake again...
perhaps im selfish, i rather hurt ppl than hurting myself..
my heart is already broken into pieces...love cant convince me..
promises r broken dreams, forever is juz an illusion, changes wil never stop..!
i prefer to bcum close fren wif someone i like than having a relationship..ironically, love makes me feel embarrass...i cant accept it wif an open heart n i dunno y...
neway, dis doesnt mean dat im phobia in love..
love has its gud point after all.. love can soften a violent beast n make one self determined in sth...
im still searching for de answer..
will i ever meet de right person at de right time..?
life is full of obstacles, we nid to b strong in every aspect..
someway, somehow..i hope dat someone can repair de broken pieces of me n cure de wound....
18 comments:
im nw officially represent "Club Virgo" on frenster to start boycott n anti ur blog for humiliating n insulting virgorians....i wil reserve al d law action to be taken on tis blogger..haha. Btw, i agree virgorians always easily get into a temper lo...hope tat u wont dwell on the past anymore..looks forward.:p
swt....go to hell la..stil say wont angry..Zzz... i din humiliate n insult virgorians ok? u should represent ur Club Virgo to apologize to me n giv me compensation for wasting my golden time, haha....
i may not noe u and am nobody to say anything but here goes >.<
it's just too bad u met the wrong person to give u a bad impression on love.
when the right guy comes, love isn't going to be hard. ur going to be comfortable being urself around him and he will love u for it .. u just need to open ur heart to him
it's hard to do that once u've been through something like that but be strong and try .. as u dunno the next one might be the one. life isn't straight forward sometimes
i'm sorry if u think i'm intruding ur privacy. gd luck
uh....juz relax, u're not intruding my privacy cuz it's not protected by any passwords oso..hehe...
ya, i'm trying...n still trying..it's a lil hard on me..thanks for de advice ya..^^
btw, ur display pic looks familiar....took it somewhere in genting? i tink it's de same wif de 1 i saw in my sis hp...hehe
tomato..ur las sentence vr cute...haha..
.."i'm sorry if u think i'm intruding ur privacy"....posted out dy wher gt privacy liao ..~~~=.=
ppl polite wad......unlike u, so rude ><
wrote one sentence nia can be judged polite liao ar?..
no wonder u met wrong ppl in ur.XXX...hehe..dun angry ya..:P
say somemore...del ur comment baru tau xD
ei tomato....tis blogger wan to del ur comment....wahhaah...:p
swt..don kacau ppl okay? enuff of dis..Zzz
maybe the blog is for her friends oni ma .. >.< must write that i sked kena scold she look garang hahaha =x
that life is uncertain is something we should celebrate...most of the time we have or want or imagine a picture of life that is peaceful and harmonious where everything will fall into place..
unfortunately, or rather fortunately, life is absurd...the good get hurt and the bad get treated well...life is full of paradoxes and contradictions...but to me this is what makes life worth it...not knowing what will happen tomorrow..like coffee, bitter sweet...
there's this line in this movie, the character says, "..we never know what will happen, I was just sleeping under the bridge the other day and now I'm having a glass of wine with you...."
life is uncertain...but that's what makes it worthwhile...
n i shall find out wad makes my life worthwhile =)
my rights r out of ur control mr nobody..
aiya...you will found it,you will found it. It wont ugly at all, but makes u growing up... (although u older than me la.)
hope so...haha...yala, im older than u...go n create a blog la, always read my posts but i cant read urs..Zzz
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