Vague

No hair dryer to use these few days, got some headache now...

I have no appetite today, except at noon when I went out to meet some friends.

I had a heartache.

I feel strange when night arrives.

Maybe because I sat quietly and rest, the effect of a broken heart just arrived.

When I keep myself busy, I can't feel anything though it is there.

I was disappointed by love, that's why I dare not to step into it.

Yet, our favourite phrase is always 'single is the best' and 'nothing lasts forever, even true love'..

Suddenly I feel I am wrong, in everything. I feel.....miserable?

I don't know why I'm here..

Sometimes I hope there's a shoulder for me to lean on, when I feel tired of facing problems on my own. 

I hope there is someone who can share with me all my ups and downs.

It really feels great to have someone who always stays beside you and support you.

If you already found one, embrace it and appreciate.

...Well, I think 'Miss Independent' still suits me, for now ;p

For YOU!

When he's falling for someone.....

This is a song written by Arif. 

He said it's for me. (pls ignore the picture at the ending, I'm UGLY!)

No one ever compose me a song...or lyric..

Very happy to get this from him! Yet, I don't know how to respond to him..

Feel so happy and feel so bad.. 

It's for my family, and maybe myself, I didn't say 'Yes'.

When thought about this, I'm dying little by little, my guiltiness is killing me! 

Why would this always happen on me? Like I'm Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

I treat you nicely but when you come closer, I push you away..

I really feel bad for this!

Can't this world don't be of complication? Why must this love thing exist when people happen to be some close and best friend? And when you know that 'thing' exists, you can't act like it doesn't! That's really suffer....

I didn't say 'Yes', there's a lot of reasons...As for the most important one, I don't see our future..because, we share a different religion. Can I make this as an excuse? I'm really really SORRY to say this out! But i really need you to know. It's a permanent issue and we can't change it! It's not your fault or mine either, it just happen when I'm a Malaysian Chinese and you're a pure Indonesian. I'm born in a quite tradition minded family you can say, that's why I don't think we can work out for long. 

I'm sorry to say that I insist and this time, I can't just 'live for the moment', the future is too a factor why I start a serious relationship. Even say a 'NO' to you I'm badly hurt! What if we're force to separate in the future because of the above reason or if we gotta go our separate ways after grad? It's really complicated isn't it? Or you can say I think too much. I'm not happy, honestly, to make this decision. But I can't hurt you and me more deeply just for this temporary happiness.

Anyway, I hope you can understand. You say that it's in my hand and now I'm giving you this. I hope you don't mind and when you say you won't, I hope you really mean it! Because I don't want to lose a close friend like you AGAIN!..like how I did last time! 

Hon tou ni SORRY! 

link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5HvKC05aDQ

p/s: for those who think i'm 'acting'...........Listen, I DON'T LIE on my blog! You got it?!

Weeks I've Spent

It's already 3 weeks I've been home. Let me see what I've did. Hmm......

First week, had a 'date' with my Orthodontist and sent my sis to training in Penang. After a few days, went to stay with my sis at Desa University, the apartment where she stays near USM. I planned to stay for 2 nights actually, but due to her ' important' friend coming and it was quite an urgent, so I just stayed for one night and followed my parents back home :( 

Second week, had a trip to Genting Highlands with my hometown friends =) A gathering and also a farewell with my scout buddies, played badminton with SL, LY and WK, ffk by CY who always says 'anytime' but end up unable to attend due to 'emergency', lol... I also went to Penang with them during the weekend. It's totally a scout reunion week! haha... And I love that!! ;D

Third week, I've spent most days at home surfing net....online reading comics, facebook--farm town and barn bunny O.o.. download some songs, blogging.. Damn, hate those unknown people to leave 'extraordinary' msg here. Kindly identify yourself before stating any 'extraordinary' msg, mind your manner please.. Watched Angels and Demons with Sue Lyn and Cindy, rate for this movie ^^ Went to Penang again on Friday..haha!

In these 3 weeks, I had some small gathering with my best high school friends too =) But not all of them are here, aikx..And I'm also in progress in reading my novel, "The Chocolate Run".. Since when I've become so hardworking? Nope, I'm not really the type girl who loves reading, that's why I'm stil stuck in Chapter 4 after a week I bought it!! Haha... 

Last night, my younger sis had departed to Kuala Lumpur for a few days and my elder sis still in Penang, she's not coming back for this weekend, probably spending her time in Pg with her friends. Gao Lat...=.="

Hmm...what about my next few weeks in June? I have totally no idea about them!! Planned to work but lazy...swt! CY ar CY, the singapore trip still on bo? Hahhaaa...She said that got a 'half price' promotion for Malaysia citizens who go to Singapore in June. If that's true I would like to go there to have fun!! hahaha.... But I'm seriously broken now!!! T.T Those fellows in Penang(matric friends), I'm still waiting for u all!! Went there so many times but bayang of yours still haven't seen one @.@ Sien ar..... I still haven watch Night At The Museum....kns.. And I can't get BR on this 31st May cause Alor Star don't have BR and I'm lazy to go Penang again, wtf!! Unless got car going there again..haha! I guess the rest of my holidays will be the same............

p/: shit, just got the msg that WK is leaving tonight....hopefully sempat to farewell for him!

Burn. Nothing Lasts Forever.

I know it's a song produced n years ago. But this is the song. 

A song wrote for a situation like "i love you but i'm letting go" which the reasons can be hardly explained by plain words. 

It's the feeling. Allow it to express by lyrics.

I don't understand why  

See it's burning me to hold onto this  

I know this is something I gotta do  

But that don't mean I want to  

What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just  

I feel like this is coming to an end  

And its better for me to  

Let it go now than hold on and hurt you  

I gotta let it burn   

It's gonna burn for me to say this  

But it's comin from my heart  

It's been a long time comin  

But we done been fell apart  

Really wanna work this out  

But I don't think you're gonna change  

I do but you don't

Think it's best we go our separate ways  

Tell me why I should stay in this relationship  

When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby  

Plus there's so many other things 

I gotta deal with  

I think that you should let it burn   

Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to  

Got somebody here but I want you  

Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself  

Callin' her your name

Ladies tell me do you understand?  

Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?  

It's the way I feel  I know I made a mistake  

Now it's too late

I know she ain't comin back  

What I gotta do now

To get my shorty back

Ooo ooo ooo ooooh

Man I don't know what I'm gonna do  

Without my booo

You've been gone for too long  

It's been fifty-'leven days, um-teen hours  

Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)   

[Chorus]  

When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to  

But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to  

Even though this might bruise you  

Let it burn  Let it burn  

Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you  

Hate the thought of her being with someone else  

But you know that it's over 

We know it is through  

Let it burn  Let it burn  

Gotta let it burn   

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me  

that I need to move on  

On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me 

that I need to move on  

On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)   

So many days, so many hours  

I'm still burnin' till you return  

Nothing lasts forever.

It's meaningless to hold on to something which does not belong to you or feelings which eventually changed.

Just as an expired milk, it would only stings and smells if you still keeping it.

Everyday

With every worthless word we get more far away

But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe

It hurts but it may be the only way

Home-made Dumplings

Dumplings Day is near!!

My aunt made some bak zhang (dumplings) today, she makes bak zhang every year when the festival is near. 

They are super delicious!! xD

Tasty, juicy and irresistable ~

These are the 'kee zhang', they are very soft!

 Eat these with sweet sauce like kaya will be nice =)

Loads of bak zhang hanging at the kitchen.

There are more.........wanna try? xD

My cousin is eating one, whahaha...

This is my dumpling! Big right? I wonder what's inside......hehe~

This little fella also come kepo...xP

Happy Dumplings Day everyone. 

端午节快乐 ^^

"Halo"

Halo.. sounds familiar right? yeah, it's Beyonce - Halo. Just a simple word but a great song is created. I love the song, I have a feel for it when it plays. The rhythm of this song and her voice, always floating in my mind when I was about to sleep at night. I even set this song as my message alert, the intro music is played everytime I receive a message. =)

"Halo", it's not only a greeting, but it also symbolize one's presence. I usually say 'Hi' to people I meet, doesn't matter whether they're my friend, just to greet them as to let them know my presence and theirs too. I miss the old days at school, there're varies way of saying Hi. Touch on shoulder secretly, yelling out names, a slightly hit on the head, tickle on the waist, some rude conversation........etc. These are ways we greet each other, especially our friends. I miss the time when my friends call my name at school, "Hui Xuan" or "Xuan"..Those who I'm close with would just call me Xuan, and this is my favourite which I love to hear the most =)

Now I'd changed my chinese name. Sometimes I'm confused which name to use because I was used to my old name. Haha.. Now, in university, people usually call me "Hui Xuan", "Xin Yuan" or "egg" when they don't know how to pronounce my last name. Duh, there's just too many bananas in my uni..no offence.

During sem break, I'm always eager to go home. When I step in the door, I always greet my parents, the elders and also the rest who are in the house. Since I'm not meeting them everyday because most of my time I have to spend it at uni, I'll let them feel my presence at home, despite I always hang out with friends and get scolded. =.=" 

Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family.

Be nice to everyone and greet them. Don't regret when the time you can't say 'Halo' to a person who care for you. There were times when I turned them down or the other way round; we're once friends or even closer but stranger now which I regretted much; or when a friend passed away, it's too late to let him know that he is your best friend! So, don't be selfish to give people your warmest smile. A simple 'Halo' makes a better day =)

Cherish your human connections - your relationships with friends and family.

Locutions For You

"Time is life a river. 

You cannot touch the same water twice, 

because the flow that has passed will never pass again."

Spend time wisely and enjoy every moment of life. 

"We make them cry who care for us.

We cry for those who never care for us.

And we care for those who will never cry for us."

This is the truth of life, it's strange but true.

Once you realise this, it's never too late to change.

Care for those who cry for you.

"When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices.

Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams."

Choice is yours.

Damn, this touches the point. ><

"When you keep saying you are busy,

then you are never free.

When you keep saying you have no time,

then you will never have time.

When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow,

then your tomorrow will never come."

No matter how busy you are, 

there's always time for a cup of tea with a friend or family. 

(Remember "The Mayonnaise Jar")

"Don't make promise when you are in joy.

Don't reply when you are sad.

Don't take decision when you are angry."

Think twice. Act Wise.

Your decision can make a change.

LOVE STORY (Taylor Swift) meets VIVA LA VIDA (Coldplay)

Must watch this!! It's SUPERB~ They really are talented musicians.... I'm lovin' it! =)

- Piano Cello - by Jon Schmidt

"FUCK!"

Another fucking interesting email I've read today. Honestly I have 2000++ mails in my inbox UNREAD, fuck!! I've already deleted those fucking junk mails from facebook and friendster. Well, I'm fucking lazy to forward this mail to everyone so I'll just post it here. Enjoy it, it's really awesomely fuck! =)

The poetic word 

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Mary fucked John) and intransitive (John was fucked by Mary). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn’t give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I’m late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, fuck, he’s also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck."

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1) Surprise -- "What the fuck are you doing here?"
2) Fraud -- "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3) Resignation -- "Oh, fuck it!"
4) Trouble -- "I guess I’m fucked now."
5) Aggression -- "FUCK YOU!"
6) Disgust -- "Fuck me."
7) Confusion -- "What the fuck...?"
8) Difficulty -- "I don’t understand this fucking business!"
9) Despair -- "Fucked again...."
10) Pleasure -- "I fucking couldn’t be happier."
11) Displeasure -- "What the fuck is going on here?"
12) Lost -- "Where the fuck are we?"
13) Disbelief -- "UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!"
14) Retaliation -- "Up your fucking ass!"
15) Denial -- "I didn’t fucking do it."
16) Perplexity -- "I know fuck-all about it."
17) Apathy -- "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18) Greetings -- "How the fuck are ya?"
19) Suspicion -- "Who the fuck are you?"
20) Panic -- "Let’s get the fuck out of here."
21) Directions -- "Fuck off."
22) Awe -- "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description -- "He’s a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time -- "It’s five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business -- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal --"Motherfucker."
It can be political -- "Fuck Bush!"

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem,  Almost too much to handle, 
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough, 
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee. 

A professor stood before his philosophy class 

And had some items in front of him. 
When the class began, wordlessly, 
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar 
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls. 

He then asked the students, if the jar was full. 
They agreed that it was. 

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured 
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. 
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. 

He then asked the students again 
If the jar was full... They agreed it was. 

The professor next picked up a box of sand. 

And poured it into the jar..  Of course, the sand filled up everything else. 
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded 
With an unanimous 'yes.' 

The professor then produced  Two cups of coffee from under the table 
And poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively 
Filling the empty space between the sand. 
The students laughed. 

'Now,' said the professor,  As the laughter subsided, 
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.. 
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, 
children, health, friends, and favorite passions – 

Things that if everything else was lost 

And only they remained, your life would still be full. 

The pebbles are the other things that matter Like your job, house, and  car. 

The sand is everything else -- 
The small stuff. 

'If you put the sand into the jar first,'  He continued, 
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. 
The same goes for life.. 

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, 
You will never have room for the things that are 
 Important to you. 

So... 

Pay attention to the things  That are critical to your happiness. 
Playwith your children. 
Take time to get medical checkups. 
Take your partner out to dinner. 

There will always be time 
To clean the house and fix the disposal. 

'Take care of the golf balls first -- 
The things that really matter. 
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.' 

One of the students raised her hand 
And inquired what the coffee represented. 

The professor smiled. 
'I'm glad you asked'. 

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life  may seem, 
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with  a friend.' 

Please share this with other "Golf Balls"