Dare to Be Myself

Hah! It's a relief.... Finally I've deleted that blog already. It's not that I want to run away from the problems, but now I've found the way to solve it, so I don't need it anymore. I blog when I'm happy and when I'm sad, especially when I'm depressed, I blog oftenly, it's just like a drug. Love too is like a drug, the more you get into it, the harder you get out from it. It's better if one come in clean hands. ^^

What my birth month says about me? It says that I hardly show my emotions and tend to bottle up my feelings. I personally think this part is quite true when it comes to issues which touches my true heart. Maybe I just don't want to expose it to everyone but only to those who are close to me. People who don't read 'that' blog will never know what is going on unless I tell. From the surface, I look like I'm okay and cheerful as always but deep inside I'm not really okay. Maybe I'm really pro in hiding my emotions until when I break down, tears will flow like rivers on my face. You could ask my BFF's, they've seen it before not long after our course started, haha.. And it's such a relief to let it out, makes me feel much more better =)

It's been so long that I never had this kind of feeling.. Heart beats fast like I'm going to die, suffering insomnia because he was spinning in my head, just want to be with him no matter what... Since my 1st time in relationship, though it was a tragic but I can feel the presence of those feelings. I can tell that these feelings are true but reality don't allow me to continue it. I was at first don't really mind whether he got a gf or not, cause I didn't plan to be his girl and if he wants to have 'that' kind of relation, why not? But when it comes to relationship, a serious one, I hope for the best. Don't blame, human are selfish, that's why the earth are polluted right now, global warming is getting worse and the recent economic crisis. Why would these have happened without the presence of selfishness? But now, I'm calm. I know what to do to wish for the best and to avoid from karma which might happen on either us. Or maybe it had already happened, who knows? LOL.

I only can say that love presents at the wrong time, I know this always happens in real life but why me? Why? No one can tell. So, what I can to do is wait for the right time or perhaps a right one. =) "take one step at a time, there's no need to rush" This phrase was once repeated by someone I prefer not to talk to but it doesn't matter now, cause I need it here. Hehe..

I'm not afraid to tell how ugly or how pretty I am, external or internal beauty, because everyone has flaws. We are not prefect! Maybe you are not ugly than me but at least I dare to say it out. There's sure a dirty little secret in all of us. But don't be afraid when people looking down on you, believe in yourself is the most vital thing! I hope that my friends would continue to believe in me too. Thanks for the advices and opinions, though some help and some not. I'm able to be here again and live like everyday I did, not hiding myself in a corner. For I hope the best for myself, I pray the best for you guys too. Cheers =)