29 Nov 2008 - 2nd date - 16th day

dis is de 4th time we met but de 1st time in Penang..
it was a great day for although it's simple..
we had lunch at Secret Recipe, catched a movie at Gurney n went for a walk at Batu Ferringhi beach..
we cant hang out for long cuz i had a bus to catch to go home..
but i really cherish every moment when i was with him..cuz we dunno when we r able to meet again..
de moment while we're on de ferry..talking n joking around..holding his hand while he's holding mine..when he carried me at de beach n de moment when we r SO close to each other..^^
his hands r big, bigger than mine a lot dat my hands can only cover half of his..haha..
n his feet if compare to mine is juz like father's n daughter's feet, swt.....
he wears earrings on both his earlobe..luckily i pierce more holes than him on my ears ><
i love his eyes...
he got a pair of dazzling eyes which i can see sincere in it,hehe.. his eye lashes even longer than mine i guess...lol.
he really talks alot..
even when he is driving, he talk non-stop..hahaz!
check out his driving skill, he call it as his "ah pek driving skill" cuz he drives very 'safely'..hehe..
dis day is very special to us as it symbolized a special event...it's a secret.. ^^"
we took some pics b4 leavning gurney..
our very 1st pic 2gether =)

a new challenge in my life

13 nov 2008..
never expect dis relationship to happen so fast..
im glad to know him.. he makes me love n too be loved again..
i shall put my faith in dis relationhip too as he does..
but for de very 1st time.. we got a lil arguement yesterday..
it was de 13th day since we both b 2gether..
de argue was unplanned...n it related to 1 of his best fren..
well, wad should i say..
actually im de one who started it cuz i walked out on him after our conversation in msn..
my heart felt uneasy when we're in de conversation, so i left it..
i felt dat there's a gap between me n his fren, a big gap..
mayb cuz de language we use n our background..
i cant pretend to talk naturally...i felt stress n suffocating...
i dunno y it'll happen..
mayb i giv myself pressure cuz we'e different..
i swear i din hate anyone else but myself..i hate myself fo being so lame....
y cant i talk like usually i do? i really hate it when such tings happen..
i left him guilt for hours dat i left without giving any reasons...
i failed to keep my promise to be honest to him..it's juz hard to tell sometimes especially when to protect our pride..
it's juz so hard to say it although it's simple n nth big..
n i too tink it's quite silly....
finally, we bcom cool n chat like normal again..
when i tink back, de feeling is still there..
mayb i'm giving myself too much pressure n too worry about how ppl tink of me..
i hope dat i can overcome dis feeling cuz it's awful..
i juz wanna make it easy juz to communicate wif anyone...
n im not giving up easily in dis relationship..
im sure i can do better than b4...

*stRugGle*

sometimes, when seeing other people's acheivements..
my confidence level decreased..i feel down..
i feel like they're more talented and successful than i am..
i just cant b like them..
makes me feel that im useless..
i mean my contribution is lesser than them, even somtimes i dont contribute at all..
bcuz of dis, i don feel like talking to ppl..
i cant talk n act naturally to them..
there's always an invisible wall for me to present the true me..
i juz cant act like how im acting when facing my old frens...
y is dat happen to me?
it shouldnt b that way...
uni life....huh..
if u meet de wrong person in a wrong affair at de wrong place n time..
there is no fun at all!n u wont b expecting sth other ting to happen....
bcuz it wont happen de way u expected...
n there r many accidents in life..
sth which is not gud suddenly crush on u without any preparation to face it!
recently, i'd met a guy..
he's quite a special person to me..
cant deny dat i hav gud feeling to him too..
but i dare not to express it..
mayb im too worry dat we cant communicate well in real life..
cuz im not eng ed..im not expert in speaking eng....
n de acheivement of mine in dis year, i see none..!
feels like i don hav de qualification to b wif him..
n i tink that im not special enuff...
don hav special skills or sth which im talented in..
im juz a ordinary person who dont hav great achievement..
ok, mayb i look pessimistic now..
but dat's wad bother me now..
im trying to build my confidence level inside me..
i wanna b confident person..
it's an important element to me so dat i can do sth big n great!as i wish..
n do wadever i wan..
if not, even though i wish to do sth, but i juz dont dare to take de action..
n dis will make me regret later..perhaps..
how i wish dat there'll always a person who always support me, lend me a hand n add oil for me when i fall..
i really nid dat strength...

创伤

今天是很有历史性的一天
我的自尊心受创了。。。伤心
之前有一个竞选期要选出moot代表
但是我没有入选
过后听到同学说lec要见我们全部
但是其实他只要见被选的人而已
直到lec说我没被选，名字没在里面我才知道
有名字的都是其他lec提名的
拜托，我懂好不好
结果就这样被人骗了
好伤。。
进discussion room没一下就中杠着书包走出来
而且只有我一人
简直好像Americon Next Idol出局这样
根本就不关我事竟然无端端被人玩弄感情
虽然‘她’可能不是故意的
但是我理她那么多，就是不爽！！
虽然看起来好像没什么
但是那种feel真的。。。你不会想要尝试
弄到我一整天心情不愉快
直到刚刚参朋友去sungai chua吃晚餐
我们吃肉骨茶又叫鱼粥公私
过后又去《我来也》打包
简直是吃到够本
爽！哈哈。。。
现在还很饱着。。嘿嘿
算了，今天朋友提醒我一句
‘生气，是用被人得罪惩罚自己’
所以
放心，我不会生气她了的
嘿嘿
保重啦。。。